Confessions of A Rape Victim


My dad parked outside your house today. 
I thought my heart might stop. I couldn’t breathe. 
Do you realize what you’ve done to me?


I don’t know if I was sexually assaulted. I didn’t say yes when he asked. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t exactly say no either. I feel so stupid. Why couldn’t I get the word “no” out of my mouth? I know it’s not my fault, but I still feel like it is. 


I shouldn’t have to be afraid of every man I see, including my own father. I shouldn’t have to be afraid to step outside of my goddamn house. But because of him, I am.


Someone confessed an attraction, honestly can’t remember who-I’m pretty sure you said it was me, it probably was. I was young and dumb and you were my older cousin. We used to just kiss here and there but then when I graduated high school you wanted more. I told you no but I guess it didn’t matter. For 2 years you continuously texted and called me even though I asked you not to, talking sexually to me despite me asking you multiple times not to. I had to get multiple apps to block your number. I just saw you yesterday, my heart stopped. Do u know how it feels to have to smile as you kiss me on my cheek? I still think about you, it sickens me- I sicken me.


I was only fifteen. How can a police officer disregard the victim statement of a fifteen year old.


Twelve. I was 12. He was the deputy principal. I can’t even fucking drive past the school without panicking. I’m 17 now and all my friends talk about losing their virginity and I don’t have the heart to tell them mine was stolen.


I started sleeping with a knife under my bed. Two days ago I put the knife back in the kitchen. I thought I was okay. Today I woke up to my air being let out of my tires. The last thing he said to me was “we have unfinished business.” I’m so afraid.


I was in 6th grade and I would hang out with the older 9th graders. They were my neighbors. We would play cops and robbers and one day they hand cuffed me and threw me on the bed where they stuck their dicks in my mouth and rubbed it around my face taunting me, saying “you’re fucking gay,” “you love it don’t you.” I never told anyone about it. And when I took my first sex ed class in 8th grade I went up to my neighbor and confronted him about it. He told me I must have dreamed it and that I was a faggot for thinking such things.


I went to a school administrator asking for help, she told me if it didn’t happen on school property they could’t do anything. So I stopped asking.


I never knew PTSD could get this bad.


Endless times you would refuse to use protection and i must have gone through about 15 pregnancy tests. You pinned me down and choked me. I begged for you to stop but you wouldn’t. Now I cant have sex with my boyfriend without breaking down.


I was drunk and he took me to his house with my best friend and her boyfriend. He assaulted me under the covers while they were in the same room. I told my friend the next day. She left me and forgave him. We don’t talk anymore. I still see him sometimes, and each time I have a panic attack.


He died and I can finally breathe. He accidentally overdosed on Xanax and Benadryl. I always thought by not reporting him, I was partially responsible for any other assaults he committed. He died and I can breathe. I’m sorry for not stopping him myself. But he died and you can finally breathe. I’m sorry. Breathe. 


He got out of prison last month, I’m terrified in case I see him in the street.


I was 14 when it happened. I thought we were just friends walking around the YMCA we were at. I was wearing sweats, a tee shirt and a sweatshirt. He grabbed my ass when we were walking around. I thought nothing of it. Once we were in a stairway, he asked me if i wanted to have sex with him, I froze, I didn’t say anything because I was scared. He raped me. After it was over, He gave me a hug and told me to not tell anyone. I did speak up because I didn’t know what to do. I regret speaking about it.