Confessions of A Rape Victim


I was told “girls can’t rape other girls” when I tried to talk to someone about what happened to me.


He wanted to try anal. I told him okay. It hurt and I didn’t like it, i kept telling him it hurts. “I know it’s okay” was his response. When he asked, I told him no but he kept trying to get me to do it, when i’d finally nod my head, he would take that as a consent. I would tell him to stop, but I was ignored. This continued for most of our relationship. It recently stopped. 


I hate that I have to see you everyday when I pass you in the hallways. I hate it that every time I see you, I can’t breath for those couple of seconds. I hate being able to feel your eyes on me while I’m walking. I hate that after seeing you, I can’t find it in me to be happy again. I hate how no one cares enough to notice my sudden mood change and how I’m not that “happy” girl anymore. I hate myself for being to weak to stop you. I just can’t find it in myself to hate you.


My mom accuses me of wanting it. I was in fourth grade.


I am never not thinking about being raped. He is with me every moment of every day of my life, everywhere I go. Even when I can function just fine, I am still thinking about it, and he is always there, and he always will be.


I’ve been sleeping around since it happened. It makes me feel empowered at the time but I feel hollow very soon after.


I was raped by my older brother, hundreds of times. Ever since I was 4, right up until I was 13. I was tortured, burned, cut, beaten.. I’ve talked about it, I’ve seen doctors, I’ve been on medication and I’ve been in psychiatric hospitals. Nothing helps. I still feel dirty and rotten inside. Every day I think about it, I just can’t stop it from hurting. I’m 20 years old, and I thought it was going to get better. I’ve tried so hard but, nothing.. I don’t know what to do any more.


Flirting is not consent. Teasing is not consent. Being my boyfriend is not consent. So tell me, mom, why do you say I deserved it?


I’m only 17 and I was raped by my friend’s dad every day for three years. Then a few months ago I was gang raped and I got pregnant. I haven’t told anyone about any of it. I’m too ashamed. I’m terrified that if people knew what happened to me they would treat me differently.


Something that really hurts is the lack of support from my friends or family. It’s too uncomfortable for them to talk about. Whenever I bring it up they just stop talking and look at the ground and won’t talk again until I change the subject. Nobody really want’s to listen because it makes them feel bad. You know what’s more uncomfortable than talking to your friend about her rape? Dealing with being raped. Alone. Or seeing the relieved look on your best friend’s face when you shut up.


Most of the time I can’t believe it was “rape” because I don’t get the crazy flashbacks like the other victims I know. They become comatose, frozen, drooling, screaming. I just get anxiety.


I was sexually assaulted and raped five years ago. Last week, my roommate’s boyfriend assaulted me again. I was just starting to be able to touch people again, and now I can’t stand within a foot of anyone; not even my best friend. I feel like a failure because, even though I know it’s not true, part of me thinks this is the way it will always be for the not-pretty girls like me.


I have chronic health issues. When I passed out at my boyfriends house and should have been taken to the hospital, I remember going in and out of consciousness while he had sex with me even though I never said yes. He was the person I thought I could trust to take care if me in emergencies. Not rape me when I’m unable to even sit up.


I see my rapist everyday in school. He hugs me and pulls at me in front of our friends like nothing ever happened.


It’s been two years. I still have flashbacks. I still have nightmares. I never thought I could be so terrified of men at only twenty years old. I never thought that I could be so scared of being alone. I never thought that I could be triggered by anything and everything. I never thought one person could ruin everything about me so fast.